Time for some more reviews of movies I've watched, courtesy of
the ten bucks a month I spend on Netflix:
Pink Flamingos (1972)
The movie that put director John Waters on the map--well,
some sort of map (registered sex offenders map?). This
extremely raw and purposely disgusting movie follows the
exploits of Babs Johnson, played by morbidly obese trans-
vestite Divine, as she seeks to regain the title of "Filthiest
Person Alive" from a couple of local perverts. Let's just say
that the competition gets pretty fierce, and it makes for
some pretty disgusting cinema. Bizarre situations and
characters abound, including an infamous scene in which
Divine eats dog shit straight out of a dog's ass. WHY DID
THIS MOVIE NOT WIN AN OSCAR?
Anyway, I'd say I'm VERY hard to offend, especially by a
movie. But I had to turn this movie off on two separate
occasions during my viewing, because I couldn't stand to
look at what was on the screen.
FUN FACT: I had my girlfriend at the time over for
dinner one night, and since I'd gotten this movie in the
mail that afternoon, I decided to play it after dinner.
HOLY SHIT. Neither one of us had seen it before. To
her credit, she didn't run away screaming, right there
and then.
This movie is not just disturbing, but also hilarious and
worth watching as--if nothing else--a fascinating cultural
artifact.
Rating: *** 1/2
Sure. Go ahead. Go ahead and watch it!
But I warned you! You remember that.
Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
This is one movie which had a lot of potential and plenty of
sources for potential jokes, but it ended up a dull, pointless
snoozefest. There wasn't a single laugh-out-loud moment in
the film for me. I'm pissed off I wasted a slot on my queue
on this. I thought that with Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen,
this movie would HAVE to be funny. I was wrong. What
the fuck?? I mean, nothing worked here. Many of the jokes
were too drawn out, delivered wrong or just plain corny.
There was a lot of talent involved in this movie, and it
all somehow ended up not making a difference. Corpses
could've made me laugh more. Actual corpses.
Rating: Zero stars.
300 (2007)
Great visuals and cool battle scenes...BUT, this movie's baffling
refusal to adhere to even a minimum of historical accuracy is
troubling. If you want to make a pure gore-fest, then just
make an action movie that doesn't pretend to be based on
history. And why are the Persians BLACK??!? Do the film-
makers meven know what a real Persian was/is supposed to
look like? Sadly, I suspect they do, but they went with cheap
racism here (Black = Bad). The ones that weren't black
looked like characters from the Star Wars cantina scene.
Visuals aside, this was little more than a glorification of
fascism. The main messages: Individuals are worthless,
only the collective (Sparta) matters. Those who are not like
us are weak and deserve to die. War is glorious. Black people
are bad. Dying for a king is equal to dying for "freedom". I
hope Frank Miller is proud.
The movie looked great, though, and the battle scenes were
cool. So I'll give it two stars for that.
Rating: **
Hart's War (2002)
An appalling snoozefest featuring a charisma-free Bruce
Willis. So boring I don't even remember the plot. I could've
better used my time by staring at a blank screen for 2 hours.
Rating: 1/2 *
the ten bucks a month I spend on Netflix:
Pink Flamingos (1972)
The movie that put director John Waters on the map--well,
some sort of map (registered sex offenders map?). This
extremely raw and purposely disgusting movie follows the
exploits of Babs Johnson, played by morbidly obese trans-
vestite Divine, as she seeks to regain the title of "Filthiest
Person Alive" from a couple of local perverts. Let's just say
that the competition gets pretty fierce, and it makes for
some pretty disgusting cinema. Bizarre situations and
characters abound, including an infamous scene in which
Divine eats dog shit straight out of a dog's ass. WHY DID
THIS MOVIE NOT WIN AN OSCAR?
Anyway, I'd say I'm VERY hard to offend, especially by a
movie. But I had to turn this movie off on two separate
occasions during my viewing, because I couldn't stand to
look at what was on the screen.
FUN FACT: I had my girlfriend at the time over for
dinner one night, and since I'd gotten this movie in the
mail that afternoon, I decided to play it after dinner.
HOLY SHIT. Neither one of us had seen it before. To
her credit, she didn't run away screaming, right there
and then.
This movie is not just disturbing, but also hilarious and
worth watching as--if nothing else--a fascinating cultural
artifact.
Rating: *** 1/2
Sure. Go ahead. Go ahead and watch it!
But I warned you! You remember that.
Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
This is one movie which had a lot of potential and plenty of
sources for potential jokes, but it ended up a dull, pointless
snoozefest. There wasn't a single laugh-out-loud moment in
the film for me. I'm pissed off I wasted a slot on my queue
on this. I thought that with Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen,
this movie would HAVE to be funny. I was wrong. What
the fuck?? I mean, nothing worked here. Many of the jokes
were too drawn out, delivered wrong or just plain corny.
There was a lot of talent involved in this movie, and it
all somehow ended up not making a difference. Corpses
could've made me laugh more. Actual corpses.
Rating: Zero stars.
300 (2007)
Great visuals and cool battle scenes...BUT, this movie's baffling
refusal to adhere to even a minimum of historical accuracy is
troubling. If you want to make a pure gore-fest, then just
make an action movie that doesn't pretend to be based on
history. And why are the Persians BLACK??!? Do the film-
makers meven know what a real Persian was/is supposed to
look like? Sadly, I suspect they do, but they went with cheap
racism here (Black = Bad). The ones that weren't black
looked like characters from the Star Wars cantina scene.
Visuals aside, this was little more than a glorification of
fascism. The main messages: Individuals are worthless,
only the collective (Sparta) matters. Those who are not like
us are weak and deserve to die. War is glorious. Black people
are bad. Dying for a king is equal to dying for "freedom". I
hope Frank Miller is proud.
The movie looked great, though, and the battle scenes were
cool. So I'll give it two stars for that.
Rating: **
Hart's War (2002)
An appalling snoozefest featuring a charisma-free Bruce
Willis. So boring I don't even remember the plot. I could've
better used my time by staring at a blank screen for 2 hours.
Rating: 1/2 *
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