13 Worst Predictions For 2013

What does unlucky '13 have in store for us, since 2012 unfortunately
failed to bring about the end of humanity? Here are some things that
we might see over the course of this new year:

1. President Obama comes out as a brony.

2. More movie trilogies of reboots of remakes of characters from
    other media.

3. Real Housewives: The Musical

4. School shooters who only kill other school shooters.

5. Florida is finally kicked out of the United States.

6. Donald Trump kills himself after 5 minutes pass without someone
    paying attention to him.

7. Forget tattoos and piercings: the next hot thing will be neck
    elongation.

8. Equality of opportunity for all citizens (just kidding!).

9. Osama Bid Laden still alive; is actually Joaquin Phoenix.

10. iCrap, the world's first toilet/tablet, sells out in 30 minutes.

11. More movies about the precious, quirky adventures of upper
     middle class white people with interesting, easy jobs.

12. At least one NFL player -- or 83 -- will get arrested for something.

13. Ultra-conservative gays form the Teabagger Party.