I don't consider myself a movie buff, but I do like to watch a couple
of movies a week, and am also a Netflix subscriber. Every now and
then, I'll get a movie that's either so good-- or so appallingly bad--
that I feel compelled to get on Netflix and write a short review.
Since I'd been thinking of doing a movie review feature regularly
anyway, I've decided to start with the reviews I've already written.
Some of the movies will be recent, some not. I will use a standard
5-star rating, at least until I come up with something funnier/
wittier/more offensive/stupider/more immature.
So here is the first installment of Shit Movies...
Beerfest (2006)
A "movie" about a bunch of guys who train to win a beer-drinking
contest in Germany. Sounds like it should've been hilarious, but
wasn't. It was way too long. And where are the jokes?!? The whole
movie felt like the cast was just screwing around amusing themselves
and each other. What about the audience, guys? This could've been a
very funny movie, but they dropped the ball...badly.
Rating: *
Epic Movie (2007)
One of the worst movies of the last decade. Joke after joke that fell
flat, all with the subtlety of an airplane crash. And why did the
writers consider characters break-dancing to be funny in and of
itself? Also, if you are trying to be funny by making constant
pop-culture references, make sure you include a JOKE in there
somewhere too. Referencing something by itself is not funny.
It's tragic that I even needed to type that last sentence.
I saw this at the dollar theater, on 50 cent night, and I felt
ripped-off.
Rating: No stars.
Cloverfield (2007)
Disappointing. I didn't even have a problem with the shaky,
handheld- camera-style of filming; if anything, that added a
sense of tension and urgency. My main problem was that there
wasn't enough monster. I assumed this was because the movie
was supposed to focus more on the story of the PEOPLE who
are tyring to survive the attack. Which would've been a great
idea, IF the characters hadn't been a bunch of dumbass,
annoying, yuppie douchebags. I was openly hoping for the
second when they would all die, and when they did, I found
it underwhelming, as it's hard to even be happy about
characters you don't care about getting creamed. This movie
had a ton of potential and some good moments, but overall, it
fell flat on its face.
Rating: **
S.W.A.T. (2003)
Absolute trash. Formulaic, super-predictable plot and cardboard
characters made this a real chore to watch. Which is too bad
because there are some good actors in here. I would just have to
ask them: did you need the money THAT badly?
Rating: *
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While I only saw two of these, I agree with your assessment. Beerfest had a few (very few) chuckle-inducing moments, but the potential the premise had was woefully under-utilized. I wasn't terribly surprised at that, though, this being a Broken Lizard effort. They're quite hit and miss. Super Troopers started off brilliantly, in my opinion, but after about 20 minutes it devolved into pretty formulaic material.
ReplyDeleteCloverfield was pretty much the same thing to me as it was to you. Though I enjoyed not knowing anymore about the monster than the carbon-copy douchebags did (can you say "more realistic" about an aspect of a giant-monster movie?), there really was nothing particularly endearing about any of them. By the time the film concluded I still had no real reason to care whether or not the protagonists survived.
Yeah, Broken Lizard has a very spotty record as a "comedy troupe". It's not that they're untalented...a scene will start out with a lot
ReplyDeleteof potential, and you think "this is going to be funny". And then the scene just falls flat. They have a great knack for ruining a joke halfway thru, or just not delivering it right.
It's a shame, too, because when they do hit the mark it's usually top-notch. They seem to be "all or nothing" when it comes to the funny.
ReplyDeleteI liked Cloverfield. Then again, I went to see Wolfman (starring Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins) and I enjoyed the heck outta that too.
ReplyDeleteWolfman sounds like a good movie. Cloverfield sounded good, too. If the characters hadn't annoyed the shit out of me by their very existence, I would've liked it a lot more.
ReplyDeleteHey Bill, nice to see your website!
ReplyDeleteI don't know about the other 'shit' movies but I loved Cloverfield. Didn't like the people in it, but the monster was AWESOME. (even tho I hate the word awesome). I wanted the people in the movie to mostly die, and that's part of why I liked it.
Like District 9 -- I also wanted everyone to die. Except that cute little alien kid.
Hey, Shelly! Thanks for the kind words, and
ReplyDeleteit's great to see you around the interwebs
again!
Yeah, those douchebags getting killed in
Cloverfield was pretty sweet...but by then,
I'd kind of mentally tuned out of the movie.
And Districtt 9 is actually next on my Netflix queue!
District 9 is not bad.... The movie I thought was waaaaay overhyped this year was Paranormal Activity. I only jumped out of my chair twice.
ReplyDeleteI have been in the interwebs everywhere! It's you and a few others that have been hard to find!
District 9 was awesome. I was very impressed.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I've been kind of missing in action
the last couple of years. But here I am!