The 11 Worst New Year's Resolutions

1. Quit drinking water.

2. Be more proactive in my stalking.

3. Get the UN to do something about Gene Simmons.

4. Finally start that dream career in the slaughterhouse
industry.

5. No more crying after sex.

6. Marry the dog and cat to each other.

7. Get better quality meth.

8. Re-watch every episode of Ace of
Cakes.

9. Moving to New Jersey.

10. No smoking between 2:00 and 2:15 PM every day.

11. No more showering until I get out of prison.